Are you crazy? I mean GOALIE crazy...

For some it starts because they were the weakest skater on their team as a young player. For others it was because each player had to rotate being a player and goalie throughout the season when they played U9. There are many reasons why we ended up between the pipes, wearing the "tools of ignorance" (credit: Gerry Cheevers 1971 in his book 'Goaltender'). But the common theme here is this: once we got in the blue paint, we didn't want to leave. And another member is added to the Goalie Union. 

Some of us didn't have a choice though. Dad was a goalie and nothing would be cooler than being a goalie just like dad was. So you were pre-destined at birth to be a goalie, because dad said it is the coolest position in all of sports. Then dad uttered those regrettable words (opened up a huge can of worms there dad): you get to wear a cool goalie mask. And we are going to get it custom painted! 

And when that time arrives, you get to help what the design will be. Will it have small details that tell a story about you? Maybe your team's logo or your favourite car or your favourite band or guitarist? (mine was Eddie Van Halen and every mask I wore during my pro career had an area dedicated to EVH's red/white striped guitar). Maybe a tribute to mom and dad? They've spent hours in the rink drinking crappy coffee, separating themselves from the other parents at games, because they didn't want to hear the snarky comments about that weak one you let in early in the first period? Maybe a tribute to your hometown? Whatever it is, it will be iconically yours and the other players don't have anything that cool in their equipment. 

And who is going to paint it? Calgary has some awesome choices. Dave Fried @Fried Designs? Jordan Bourgeault @JBo Airbrush? Maybe out of town with somebody that has a good resumé of NHL goalies too like the other guys? Maybe a wrap is the way to go? Save some $$ there, because you'll need that cash elsewhere. What does your goalie partner have? Who painted his? Do you get it done to match your club team during the winter or for your spring team? Nah, just get another one for that team right???!!

And the goalie pads! Which brand? Cooper? (dad's first choice) NOPE! They aren't around anymore! You going to go with Bauer? True? Vaughn? Brian's? CCM? Koho? Trick question! Tell dad they're gone too. They're going to be customized right?! Specs? Tight leg channel? Velcro or leather straps? +2 thigh rise? Boot strap under or behind the heel? Soft flex, or are you going as stiff as a plateful of uncooked spaghetti? Soft boot flex? Matching your teams colours? Or are they going to be just like the ones your favourite goalie wears? Jordan Binnington? Dustin Wolf? Andrei Vasilevskiy? Grant Fuhr? Carey Price? Denis Lemieux? (have you seen Slapshot?) Or are you going straight up white? No. Way. José. Not a scout (scouts are everywhere) in the world remembers that "kid in the white pads". At least go the Free Agent Special route....throw a little black or silver in there to not be boring.

And matching gloves! You going 580 break? Binner does. Maybe 590, it's the most popular. What about the venerable 600 break? Worked really good for some guy named Price for a long time and I hear it's making a come back (thx Wolfie). Are you getting a practice glove and a game glove? Pro palm or game ready?  Single T or double T? Floating T? Skate lace pocket...wax or cotton lace? Or just nylon string? All of these options are just fluff right? Most importantly....they gotta match the pads in graphic design right? It's in the Goalie Union handbook. 

Sticks?! You going custom? Normal shoulders on the paddle? Double steep? Trigger grip? Ergo grip? Tactile grip on the lower portion of the shaft or the entire shaft length? 28" shaft length for better puck handling or are you going 30" like the old standard? Square toe? Round toe? Or maybe the current hot item, the 'hybrid toe' is more up your alley. Picks the puck off the dasher board from a hard dump-in with surgeon like skill, but still allows you to toe drag like Connor. Which lie you gonna use? Lie 13, 14 or 15? Trick question! Tell dad they don't have different lies anymore. That was 40 years ago. 22, 23, 24, 25 or 26" paddle length? Is that what your goalie coach said you need? P31 curve? Maybe P28 because it is all the rage now and it helps you sauce it off the glass and out of the zone. What about a T31? Nah, you're gonna play it safe and choose a P4, which is the same as a P31 and T31...confused yet? 

Goalie coach! Gotta have one of them! Dad played goal 40 years ago and the position has evolved 14 times since then. So you need a specialized coach. How do you pick a good goalie coach? You're going to try several of them and you will find one or two in particular that you and your parents think can really help your game. Once or twice a week up at 5am, to get to the rink and complete a sesh of Academy, then off to school to hit the books. Most goalie coaches offer private sessions as well. This allows for a one on one training session to concentrate on the parts of your game that need improving. And in the summer...you gotta go to a summer camp! The other 18 kids trying out for the same team as you next year are all going to one. Where are you going to go? There are camps all across Canada, maybe ask mom and dad if you can squeeze it in during the family holiday to the lake this summer. They'll appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Congratulations, you've made it to U13. You've learned invaluable lessons that will pay off down the road in hockey and later in life. And you will continue to improve. You will go through slumps. You'll through periods of invincibility. You will make UNREAL saves. You will let in a bad goal. You will be the GOAT in both senses of the word. You will be in some real battles on the ice. Some of them will be won, some will be lost. Lessons will be learned in all of these scenarios and you will file them in your memory for future use. Demons will be slayed. Not like Harry Potter, but more like Ray Bourque. 

Mom and dad will have: cheered (not booed), cried, screamed, spent countless hours behind the wheel in all kinds of weather, woke up earlier than you, paid the tab, drank hundreds of litres of crap coffee, purchased new skate guards because one of yours miraculously disappeared and taught you the most important words a goalie can know: Have a short memory. You'll get it soon....

Maybe it would be a good idea to have that mask art contain a tribute to mom and dad after all. Being crazy isn't just about the player, it helps if mom and dad are a little crazy too.